You Can't Win 'Em All! Episode 5: Insection
by TheMortalSlab
Summary: The annual Eterna Bug Catching Contest is underway, and our heroes will do their best at capturing a great specimen! But what happens when a group of Scyther wage war with the local Beedrill swarm? Hilarity, of course! Probably...


**For the last time, the hooker was dead when I (not Nintendo) got there!**

**Narrator:**

**When we last left our heroes, they had arrived in Eterna City to look for a young comrade's Caterpie. They finally found his Pokémon, only to find that they're just in time for the annual Eterna City Bug Catching Contest! How will they do in this honorable sanction?**

**"And the Contest begins … now! Return here in one hour with your best catch!" yelled the Contest manager. Everyone began to run off in separate directions.**

**Ash and Pikachu ran to the southwest in hopes of finding a large swarm of something, while Brock and Sudowoodo directed themselves east, due to both the likelihood of rarities to be unearthed in the area, and (more likely), that's the direction that a group of young women decided to take shortly before (oh Brock, you poor, poor virgin…). Dawn and her Buneary chose the north path, in hopes of finding something weak and catchable, due to her lack of skills in the art of capture.**

**Their young comrade, whom shall remain nameless until the trial has come to a conclusion, jumped into the nearest patch of grass and began to plot out his strategy. His Caterpie began to eye him with a chilling sense that these would be their final hours.**

**"Oh Caterpie, you worry too much! Now, how will we attract the biggest bug Pokémon?" Hmm…" the young comrade began to ponder to himself.**

**"Well Pikachu, what do you think?" Ash asked his rambunctious rodent.**

**"Pika-Pi!" said Pikachu rather philosophically.**

**"You're right!" Ash said, obviously unable to understand his partner, but assuming he had the same thought. "Let's check the trees!"**

**"Hmm, now bug Pokémon are found where there's moisture. Let's go check the dewy areas, Happiny!" Brock said, leading his Pokémon to what he thought was a surefire Pokémon hotspot.**

**"Hmm, there's nothing worth catching around here!" Dawn whined, as she passed several swarms of Pinsir, who were eating and sleeping amongst the soft landscape. "What do you think, Buneary?" asked Dawn, trying to pull a page out of Ash's book.**

**"Bun-Bun!" Buneary responded, showing no remorse for using blatant racism in an unprovoked situation.**

**"I don't know; I'm just not seeing anything!" Dawn continued to whine, rather than actually look to see that a group of Scyther formed their way around her. "WAAAH!" she screamed, obviously fearful of what the gargantuan beasts would do to her. (Mmm, yes…)**

**Brock was busy ogling at the group of girls when he heard Dawn's scream. "_Hmm, wonder what happened to Dawn?_" Brock thought to himself. "Oh well, maybe we'll get a _hotter_ companion out of it! Hey girls, would one of you like to join me and my stupid friend as we frolic about the Sinnoh region with no real motive towards doing so?" Brock yelled to the hotties. Needless to say, they ran for their lives.**

**"Aw man, not again…" Brock said to himself, as his Croagunk patted him on the shoulder, unable to jab his ass in time.**

**The young comrade ignored the cry for help, and continued searching for something worth capturing. As he searched, he heard a siren drawing near. He looked up to see that Officer Jenny had parked directly in front of him.**

**"Did you hear that scream just now?" Jenny asked the young fool.**

**"Uhh, no. Why?" asked the young fool.**

**"Well, I'm afraid groups of Scyther have waged war with the local Beedrill swarm. If they bring their fight into this park, it might turn deadly!" said the worried pig.**

**"_Uh oh, that means I won't be able to win the contest!_" thought the young comrade. "_I'd better hurry and catch something!_"**

**When Ash heard the cry for help, he scoffed in frustration, due to his lack of finding any life in the surrounding area. "Damnit Pikachu, we shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque!" Ash yelled at his rodent, attempting to make fun out of his current predicament.**

**"Pika-Pika, Pika-Pi." Pikachu stated, attempting to console Ash. Instead, Ash picked up a rock, and threw it into a nearby bush (since that's _ever_ worked out for him in the past…). This was followed by massive buzzing. For a moment, Ash thought someone was watching the World Cup highlights, only to find that a massive swarm of Beedrill had arisen from said bush. (Gotta love relevant humour; so fresh…)**

**"AAAGH!" Ash screamed, as he and Pikachu began running for their lives. Instead of following the young asshole, they noticed a group of Scyther had formed around a nearby blind African-Japanese-American fellow. They directed themselves toward their adversaries, and charged with full force.**

**Brock was unsure how to deal with the irate insects surrounding him. He offered them some Pokémon food, but they disrespectfully declined. Instead, they violently swung their "scythe-like" claws (go figure) at the horny bastard, and sliced him up good, leaving him a bloody mess at their feet.**

**As they looked up to see the Beedrill charging towards them, they began to fly to their Scyther brethren. As they caught sight of them, still harassing Dawn (hmm, I wonder how? Mmm, yes...), they started to signal danger. Unfortunately, the group of Beedrill was much too swift, and had reached the group before said message could be delivered.**

**Half of the swarm remained in the air, attempting to dispose of the Scyther within the air, whilst the rest started attacking the Scyther on the ground below. One Beedrill attempted to impale a grounded Scyther with its stinger-arm-thing, only to have the Scyther dodge said stinger-arm-thing, and impale Dawn directly through the face.**

**By this point, all of the park-goers had gathered around the Pokéwar that was unfolding before them, and stared in awe as the remaining Scyther had joined their comrades in the air.**

**As the two swarms began to stare each other down, Ash caught his breath at the Park's main gate. He reached in his bag for his binoculars, and first saw that his best friend was a crimson mess on the pavement a good 200 feet away from him.**

**"Oh no, Brock!" Ash said to himself, as a tear began rolling down his cheek. He then focused his attention on the two massive swarms, only to see that one Beedrill had a young blue-haired girl attached to its stinger-arm-thing.**

**"DAAAAAAAAAWN!" Ash screamed, coming to the realization that he now has no friends. He almost felt compassion, but his manliness prevented him from doing so. This was quickly silenced by his discovery that Dawn had sported polka-dotted panties on this of all days. "Nice!" Ash said to himself, licking his lips.**

**The two swarms silenced their silence with brute force. The Scyther simultaneously shot what would be a massive X-Scissor towards their bee-like foes, while the Beedrill attacked with Poison Sting. Like most special attacks, when they met head on, they triggered a massive explosion, killing everyone in the area, and charring them to a sooty mess.**

**Except for Ash.**

**What might've saved his life _this _time, you may ask? Was it some sort of Titanium? No. Was it a Pokémon of his that used Protect? Of course not. What saved his life was that he was obviously at a safe enough distance to be unaffected by the blast. He looked on as the once proud Eterna Park began to burn to the ground, and as he removed his binoculars, he wiped the running mascara from his face, and proclaimed with a sigh, "Well, I guess you can't win 'em all!"**

**With those words, Ash left the burning landscape with the sun setting and a smile on his face. He skipped along happily back to the Eterna Pokémon Centre, and began singing:**

**Why do you build me up (Build me up)**  
**Buttercup baby just to**  
**let me down (Let me down)**  
**And mess me around**  
**And then worst of all (Worst of all)**  
**You never call baby**  
**When you say you will (Say you will)**  
**But I love you still**  
**I need you (I need you)**  
**More than anyone darlin'**  
**You know that I have from the start**  
**So build me up (Build me up)**  
**Buttercup**  
**Don't break my heart**

**I'll be over at ten**  
**You tell me time and again**  
**But you're late**  
**I wait around and then**  
**I went to the door**  
**I can't take any more**  
**It's not you**  
**You let me down again**

**Baby Baby**  
**Try to find a little time**  
**And I'll make you happy**  
**I'll be home**  
**I'll be waiting beside the phone**  
**Waiting for you.**

**ooh ooh ooh**

**Why do you build me up (Build me up)**  
**Buttercup baby just to**  
**let me down (Let me down)**  
**And mess me around**  
**And then worst of all (Worst of all)**  
**You never call baby**  
**When you say you will (Say you will)**  
**But I love you still**  
**I need you (I need you)**  
**More than anyone darlin'**  
**You know that I have from the start**  
**So build me up (Build me up)**  
**Buttercup**  
**Don't break my heart**

**To you I'm a toy**  
**But I could be the boy**  
**You adore**  
**If you'd just let me know**  
**Although you're untrue**  
**I'm attracted to you**  
**All the more**  
**Why do I need you so**

**Baby Baby**  
**Try to find a little time**  
**And I'll make you happy**  
**I'll be home**  
**I'll be waiting beside the phone**  
**Waiting for you.**

**ooh ooh ooh**

**Why do you build me up (Build me up)**  
**Buttercup baby just to**  
**let me down (Let me down)**  
**And mess me around**  
**And then worst of all (Worst of all)**  
**You never call baby**  
**When you say you will (Say you will)**  
**But I love you still**  
**I need you (I need you)**  
**More than anyone darlin'**  
**You know that I have from the start**  
**So build me up (Build me up)**  
**Buttercup**  
**Don't break my heart**


End file.
